They Wanted to Cut me open. I said NO. I'll find another way.

In early 2015, I found myself facing excruciating back pain. It had reached a point where I couldn't even bend over due to the intense discomfort in my lower back. Simple tasks like tying my shoes or sitting down became challenging without additional support. I had to rely on my elbow and arm strength to turn over in bed, and even bending down to wash my face or brush my teeth became arduous. It was a miserable period, and it felt like my life was taking a wrong turn. I was frustrated because I had spent the past few years healing my emotional wounds, feeling stronger, and equipping myself with tools to handle life's challenges.

As much progress as I had made in my emotional healing journey, I had to confront the reality that I still lived in a world where devastating events occurred, some of which I witnessed, and others that directly affected me. However, I had been empowered with these healing tools to navigate these hardships and emotions.

But now, my physical body demanded attention. I was perplexed by what was happening to me. I tried various methods to alleviate the pain, but it had reached a point where I could no longer take walks, practice yoga, or even lie flat on a massage or chiropractic table. Whenever I attempted to lie down, I couldn't get back up. I had hit a wall and was in a desperate place, dealing with unbearable pain and physical suffering.

I remember having a conversation with God, filled with frustration and desperation: "I know you want me to heal and help people, but is it going to be from a wheelchair because I cannot walk? I'm willing to continue leading my classes, even if it's my purpose, but not like this."

My anger grew as nothing seemed to work, and to make matters worse, my menstrual cycle became painful. Every day became a challenge, and month after month, my abdomen expanded with no relief in sight.

Out of fear, I decided to undergo a wellness check with my gynecologist, suspecting something might be wrong in that area. Though I knew I would leave the appointment frustrated, given my previous negative experiences with the medical community, I had to address why I had been suffering from this pain and cramping monthly for 20 years. I had tried using birth control once to alleviate the issue, but it led to another problem – blood clots in my legs and lungs, rendering it an unsuitable solution.

My initial appointment with the gynecologist covered my history and the excruciating pain I was enduring. My pain had evolved from being solely in my lower back to a deep-seated discomfort inside me. I was constantly swollen and uncomfortable. The doctor insisted on an ultrasound to investigate if anything could be found.

When I returned for the results, I received a diagnosis of adenomyosis, a condition in which the uterus retains menstrual fluid. Some of this fluid doesn't exit the body, leading to inflammation as it is reabsorbed into the uterine wall. Her explanation made sense because I felt like I had a 20lb baby inside me, and I constantly looked and felt pregnant. Her recommended solution was a hysterectomy, which left me frustrated, disappointed, angry, and irritated.

"So, the only solution is to cut me open?" I exclaimed in disbelief.

This was an incredibly difficult decision to accept, and I had to work through a whirlwind of emotions. Although I hadn't been planning to have children anytime soon, did I want that choice taken away from me? Did I want to remove a part of myself?

I knew I needed to find an alternative solution. That's when I heard a voice telling me to get a colonic. A friend had been suggesting colonics for months, and every time he mentioned it, I became increasingly frustrated. I couldn't wait to tell him about my real medical issue. However, I had to put my ego aside and consider that he might be right – perhaps I needed to try this unconventional approach.

Colonics? Who would willingly opt for such a procedure? Who would want to experience it? Certainly not me. But I had reached a point of desperation with no other options in sight. I couldn't comprehend how it would help since I wasn't constipated; I had regular bowel movements every day.

After my first colonic session, I realized that it wasn't as daunting as I had imagined. What had I been so afraid of? Maybe it was because I had heard my massage teacher mention it in 1997, and I had been resistant. Nonetheless, I was grateful I had tried it. The insertion tube was non-invasive, about the size of a straw, addressing one of my initial concerns.

I decided to commit to nine sessions after the therapist explained that we have five feet of large intestine, and it wouldn't be fully cleansed in just a few sessions. She also emphasized that everything starts in the colon.

After six sessions, my pain persisted, and I felt frustrated, tears streaming down my face, and disappointment setting in. I felt like I had wasted my time and money yet again. Over the years, I had spent thousands trying various healing modalities and consulting with specialists in an attempt to fix my issues.

I shared my frustration with the therapist, and she encouraged me to persevere: "Keep going, everything starts in the colon."

I returned for my seventh colonic session the next day and experienced a significant release. Unusual grey-looking stones emerged, and it didn't feel like anything recent, but the relief was palpable.

Later that day, as I stretched on the floor, I realized that I could get up easily. It hit me – I no longer needed support to get up, and I could bend over effortlessly.

Had colon hydrotherapy healed me? Could this colonic treatment truly have worked? It seemed impossible. I had no issues with mobility, and my back pain had subsided. A month later, I experienced no discomfort during my menstrual cycle, my constant abdominal swelling disappeared, and I no longer felt internally bloated. It was a revelation – I didn't need a hysterectomy after all!

Moved by my experience, I felt compelled to share it with the world. I began marketing and branding for the company where I received my colonics. I believed that everyone should try colon hydrotherapy, whether or not they had issues. I hadn't realized how much waste could get stuck, blocked, or impacted within the colon and its pockets. It was essential for people to give themselves a fresh start in their colon.

Do you take supplements? Are you absorbing them? How can you be sure?

After working with this company for seven months and witnessing clients' transformations as they became healthier and happier, I felt a need to delve deeper into this field.

My future plans included opening a healing center, and I knew that colon hydrotherapy had to be part of it. So, I attended the LIBBE school, the device manufacturing company, in San Antonio. I wanted to learn directly from the source and gather information firsthand.

During my studies, I realized my passion ran deeper. I saw how I could incorporate colon hydrotherapy into my personal healing practice. I had already been assisting people in emotional and spiritual healing. My teachings revolved around helping individuals reconnect with their bodies, release emotions, and equip themselves with tools to respond to life's challenges without internalizing them.

This newfound passion led me to secure an office where I could conduct classes, provide

Book now!
www.cleancolonic.com
Oh, and the reason I chose my business name Clean Colonic, Is because I will make sure it will be a CLEAN experience.  Straight to the point.  No Mess, NO fuss.  Just Clean Colonic!!!!!

Birthing My Book

I thought it was important to share this story now, before my book actually launches. You might wonder why I am saying "birthed"? It's because I actually have to birth this book from an energetic standpoint.

In September 2014, I wrote my book in just one week, approximately 46,000 words. On the first day, I managed to write 3,000 words, and then it escalated to 6,000 words. After a few days, I had already reached 13,000 words. On the 10th day, I was astonished to find that I had written a total of 46,000 words. It made me wonder where all this writing ability had been when I was forced to write in school. I recalled how much I used to dislike writing, especially when I had to put together a 500-word essay. It was surprising how the words were flowing out of me effortlessly. I was excited to share my stories and adventures and empowered to convey how I had been recognizing how God was speaking to me. I was beginning to understand what "intuitive" gifts were. I also knew that I was not the only one who experienced this. I wanted to help people uncover this ability for themselves and show them that they could truly be happy as well.

The book began to take shape in the summer of 2014, right before I was about to teach a class. Suddenly, I began to breathe deeply and prepare for class when I felt an overwhelming sense of joy inside of me. It was pouring out of me for no apparent reason. I realized that I was genuinely happy. Had I finally reached that point?

For years, I had relied on external factors to make me happy. Different things, such as drinking, retail therapy, various relationships, food, and more, had been necessary to induce happiness. I needed someone or something else to make me happy.

So, this was an extraordinary moment when I genuinely felt happy. I sat there, savoring the moment, and had a silent laugh followed by a smile, and then I burst into laughter. "I am happy!" I exclaimed. I then began to reflect on all the hard work I had invested in the healing process. The pain, the time, and the energy I had dedicated to achieving happiness. And now, I had finally made it.

During my reflective moments, I started to write the book. Spirit flowed through me with this joyous energy, and I knew other people had to read this so I could help them find their own happiness.

Unfortunately, after a few weeks, I paused with the book. I was plagued by fear and doubt, overwhelmed by thoughts such as: "Who will read my book? I'm not a writer. I'm not that funny. No one cares about my stories. Who am I to teach? I need to wait."

My contract job was ending, so I decided to take a break and booked a trip to Peru. I believed that going there would provide me with more clarity. And indeed, I did gain clarity, although I could have achieved the same insight at home. I needed to escape and thought I required external help to overcome my reluctance to write.

During my trip to Peru, I talked about my book, and people showed genuine interest in what I had to say. These were strangers, and I didn't have the time to build a relationship and share bits and pieces. They seemed captivated by my stories. Perhaps I needed a bit of confidence and inspiration from people.

After Peru, just 13 days later, I embarked on a trip to South Africa, which had been planned in advance. I was there for 17 days and once again shared my book and stories with the group. People were intrigued.

Upon returning to the United States, I spent a few weeks in Arizona and then headed home to California for Christmas. I was constantly on the move.

Two weeks later, I found myself in Sedona for a week, and this is when my pain intensified. When I arrived at the hotel in Sedona, I could barely walk. I had to request an emergency healing session with my mentor just to help me get to the toilet. Standing up or pulling myself up had become an arduous task. It was then that I decided to start meditating and ask my body what all this pain was about. I had tried everything I could think of to heal my back, but it wasn't getting better. I realized, "I need to get my book out. All of this creation is sitting inside of me." I pondered this thought for a while and realized it was true. I had been so excited when I wrote it and when I talked about it with friends and even people I had just met. But I was too scared to get it edited and do the rest of the work required to share it with the world. It seemed like such a monumental task.

I returned home after Sedona and recognized that the pain wasn't subsiding. I needed to see a doctor to find out what was really going on. I ended up getting an ultrasound on my uterus, which empowered me because I finally knew where to target my efforts. My uterus was swollen and pressing on my lower back and bladder. It was also reabsorbing tissue from my menstrual cycle instead of expelling it. That's when I knew I needed to birth this book. It felt like a 20lb weight sitting inside of me, and the pain was becoming unbearable.

Cycle after cycle, I still faced issues, and I continued to deny the fact that I needed to work on my book or get it out there. I was still gripped by panic and fear. But I knew I had to do something because my body was suffering, and I couldn't endure the pain any longer.

I calculated the days I had been dealing with this issue. I wrote the book in September, and the end of June marked 9 MONTHS!

You see, I do need to birth this book. I shared this story with a friend of mine, and she threw me a BOOK SHOWER! What? I know, it sounds crazy and fun, right?

I'm excited, yet still nervous, experiencing major labor pains even in the week leading up to the event. At the beginning of the week, I could barely walk, and my body doesn't seem to be relenting because if it did, I might procrastinate for a few more months before getting my book out.

"It's in the process," I would tell myself. I'm thrilled that it's now in the hands of a professional editor, and I'm arranging for photos for the cover. My test readers are enjoying the book. So, here it is, everything is in motion. I can't stop now.

Love to you all,
Carolyn
carolynheals@gmail.com
like me on facebook  www.facebook.com/carolynheals

Removing unwanted energy

Cutting Cords

When discussing "cutting cords," there is a fear that comes up for most people, along with a common question: "If I cut off someone I love, does that mean they are gone forever?" The answer depends on how you cut the cord and the intentions you set when doing so. But let’s take a step back and talk about what cutting cords is all about.

Have you ever, out of nowhere, had a friend or loved one "pop" into your head? Or suddenly, they just called you when you were thinking of them? Most of us have had this happen at some point in our lives. This is when the energy between people gets connected, and this energy is transferred as soon as it’s a thought.

To explain, visualize this connection "cord" going into your body like a tube and connecting to the other person's body. This is how you feel their energy or have a feeling they were thinking about you or about to call. This can happen at any distance and anywhere around the world.

An example would be a cell phone call; visualize how energy flows even though we don't see it. If you make a call to someone and it's ringing, you are waiting to connect on the other line. You know you are connected when they say hello, but you can’t see the actual connection. You know your voice is traveling to the other end, and you can make a three-way call and bring someone else in on the line. When you are done with the phone call, you hang up or click end, and the phone line is disconnected. You are no longer connected with that person on the other end.

So think about these energy cords in a similar way. When you are done working with someone, speaking to them, or interacting in any way, it is time to disconnect from them and clear the energy. If you don't, then they are still connected. Imagine if you didn't hit end on the cell phone and you started another conversation with someone else in the room. The person on the phone can hear everything; they are now part of the communication. So you need to clear and cut the connection off so that you can start fresh with another one with no interruptions and no one else’s opinions or influence of energy.

We should all own 100% of our energy at all times. We can have a connection with people without having this ongoing energetic connection that cords into us because if we do, then we are leaking energy and giving it away. It doesn't matter if you are in a loving relationship, have children, friends, co-workers, etc. Each person needs to have all of their energy around them. It is important so that they can experience life and journey with their information and not others' influence. With these cords attached to us, other people's information, thought patterns, ideas, and energies are exchanged. There is a time for that when we are connected and engaged in activities and conversations, and there is a time to disconnect once we are not with them. If there is still a connection, you will be leaking your energy, and when that happens, your body will respond. This can leave your body open to fatigue, stress, and many other factors that can cause injury or disease.

Chances are you have corded into someone, or they have corded into you if you have experienced any of these common situations, and there are many more that could be there. You may even feel that you have an emotion that you are not familiar with or cannot explain. You just don't "feel" yourself. That could be a connection with someone else.

Another example is walking into a room and meeting someone, and you had a feeling that they are in a "bad" mood? Or they shifted your mood. You felt really good when you got there, and then all of a sudden your mood changes, and this "Debbie Downer" somehow robbed you of a good time? That is how we feel and connect with other people. It gives us information and can be beneficial to keep us safe. It also is an awareness, and then we need to disconnect so we are back to our own energy.

Have you started your day with high energy and went shopping for a few hours, and then you are so tired or feeling emotions that you didn't start the day having? Chances are you may have had someone connect to you because your energy was stronger than theirs, and they needed to feed off of you. We call these "energy vampires.” This may sound a little scary, but this can happen without your permission. This can happen if you do not have boundaries or protection set up around your energetic body.

There is an appropriate time when you can be connected and "corded" into someone, and there is a time to not be. If you are no longer in a relationship or not speaking to someone, yet they pop into your head once in a while, you may still be connected to them and need to remove the connection.

Even if you are in a relationship, dealing with co-workers, children, etc., after you have been around them, you need to remove the cords so that they have 100% of their energy, and you have yours. This is not cutting them off.

Judgment

"I didn't realize how much I had judged myself and others until my spiritual sister and mentor said to me, 'Wow, it must be hard to be you sometimes.'"

I asked her what she meant.

She replied with this explanation: "You are so hard on yourself. You are worried about what to wear, what your hair looks like, what others may think. It must be exhausting being you."

I have to say I was offended at the moment. But I began to take a look at how harshly I was judging myself, and I can look back, laugh, and share this story.

So, a little backstory to begin: I had just quit my job in 2008 and lost my identity. I didn't realize how much I had tied into my introduction: "Hi, I'm Carolyn Berry, General Manager of LifeTime Fitness." Wow, that always felt so good, and I felt so powerful. I had the title, lived in a wonderful place, got to travel, ate well, dressed well. I was impressed with myself and strived to impress people. I had beautiful hair and fancy clothes and the best-looking shoes in town.

Quitting my job made me see I felt empty. After freaking out and being fearful of what was next, God so graciously helped me out. I had prayed for God to send me like-minded people and to help me on my purpose.

So, three weeks later, I landed another fabulous job. Great title, great travel, great place to live, fancy, fancy I was. Until that ended five months later, and I lost my identity again. Only, I was determined to heal this time.

I met my wonderful spiritual mentors who assisted me in the process of my healing.

And the judgment began.

Kim invited me to live with her in Washington until I figured things out. I decided to go to school and get certified as a personal trainer. I had to do something, and I had to feel productive. I had to have a plan and a goal to feel accomplished.

Kim would ask me to go with her to friends' houses and be social. I'd ask, "What do I wear?" and I mean always. She'd always reply, "What you'd like." Ugh, I hated that reply. I mean, are people dressing up, jeans, dresses, open-toe shoes...?

Before we left, I made sure my hair looked decent at least. I mean, I wasn't able to get a blowout or make it look fancy... but I managed to at least make myself presentable.

Then I'd come up with excuses not to go. I'd say, "What if people ask what I do for a living?" "So what if they do?" she'd reply. "Well, what do I say? I have no job. I don't have my own place. I feel like a loser; I don't have anything going on." It was so hard saying that and being so honest.

"Tell them the truth; you are on sabbatical," she smiled and shared her warm heart.

I didn't even know the word sabbatical or what it meant. But I used it. And I liked it. The community and friends she had were so supportive. I thought people would judge me for doing nothing and for having NO plans. For just being. That sounded so ridiculous.

I remember one sweet friend of hers saying, "Oh, that's wonderful that you can do this now at your age and really take a look at what you want."

I couldn't believe that there were actually people in the world with this kind of attitude. Where was I? Was I dreaming? And they were supportive. This is a community that I wanted to have, and I could just be me. I could expose myself for the things I was going through, sharing the pain and agony. The way I viewed myself and thought of myself with no worry of judgment from these people.

I didn't need the fancy clothes, and I didn't need the fancy shoes. I vowed then to do NO RETAIL for a year. My friends thought I was crazy and didn't think I could do it. It wasn't for financial reasons; I saw how much I had tied material things into how I felt about myself and the power it gave me to be able to buy things. And they are just "things."

Kim showed me how to begin to heal myself. We'd watch TV, and I commented about everything and everyone. I didn't realize how judgmental I was being. I even said to her, "I'm just pointing it out." And she asked me if that was my job. Ugh, how is she so right on!

I soon realized that as I was breaking myself down, I was projecting and breaking others down. I wasn't doing it intentionally. It was just happening until it was pointed out by someone else. And each time I wanted to say something about someone else, I first looked at myself and asked what my behavior was.

Since then and even today, I realize how much power is given away when we judge ourselves. Is it necessary to point out what is wrong with other people?

Yes, Kim did that for me, but it wasn't judgment, it was compassion. It was for healing, and it was to share what I couldn't see.

When we share something with someone and see what needs to be healed, is it out of love? Is it being delivered with compassion? Or is it out of protection of ourselves, so that we are not seen? Is it to take the attention off of us?

Release judgment. Ask God how you can let go of Judgment. Ask God to show you how you are judging others. And to be able to recognize it, to heal it.

There is freedom in not judging. Free yourself by letting go of the Judgment. Start with yourself. It worked for me, and I am able to feel JOY.