I thought it was important to share this story now, before my book actually launches. You might wonder why I am saying "birthed"? It's because I actually have to birth this book from an energetic standpoint.
In September 2014, I wrote my book in just one week, approximately 46,000 words. On the first day, I managed to write 3,000 words, and then it escalated to 6,000 words. After a few days, I had already reached 13,000 words. On the 10th day, I was astonished to find that I had written a total of 46,000 words. It made me wonder where all this writing ability had been when I was forced to write in school. I recalled how much I used to dislike writing, especially when I had to put together a 500-word essay. It was surprising how the words were flowing out of me effortlessly. I was excited to share my stories and adventures and empowered to convey how I had been recognizing how God was speaking to me. I was beginning to understand what "intuitive" gifts were. I also knew that I was not the only one who experienced this. I wanted to help people uncover this ability for themselves and show them that they could truly be happy as well.
The book began to take shape in the summer of 2014, right before I was about to teach a class. Suddenly, I began to breathe deeply and prepare for class when I felt an overwhelming sense of joy inside of me. It was pouring out of me for no apparent reason. I realized that I was genuinely happy. Had I finally reached that point?
For years, I had relied on external factors to make me happy. Different things, such as drinking, retail therapy, various relationships, food, and more, had been necessary to induce happiness. I needed someone or something else to make me happy.
So, this was an extraordinary moment when I genuinely felt happy. I sat there, savoring the moment, and had a silent laugh followed by a smile, and then I burst into laughter. "I am happy!" I exclaimed. I then began to reflect on all the hard work I had invested in the healing process. The pain, the time, and the energy I had dedicated to achieving happiness. And now, I had finally made it.
During my reflective moments, I started to write the book. Spirit flowed through me with this joyous energy, and I knew other people had to read this so I could help them find their own happiness.
Unfortunately, after a few weeks, I paused with the book. I was plagued by fear and doubt, overwhelmed by thoughts such as: "Who will read my book? I'm not a writer. I'm not that funny. No one cares about my stories. Who am I to teach? I need to wait."
My contract job was ending, so I decided to take a break and booked a trip to Peru. I believed that going there would provide me with more clarity. And indeed, I did gain clarity, although I could have achieved the same insight at home. I needed to escape and thought I required external help to overcome my reluctance to write.
During my trip to Peru, I talked about my book, and people showed genuine interest in what I had to say. These were strangers, and I didn't have the time to build a relationship and share bits and pieces. They seemed captivated by my stories. Perhaps I needed a bit of confidence and inspiration from people.
After Peru, just 13 days later, I embarked on a trip to South Africa, which had been planned in advance. I was there for 17 days and once again shared my book and stories with the group. People were intrigued.
Upon returning to the United States, I spent a few weeks in Arizona and then headed home to California for Christmas. I was constantly on the move.
Two weeks later, I found myself in Sedona for a week, and this is when my pain intensified. When I arrived at the hotel in Sedona, I could barely walk. I had to request an emergency healing session with my mentor just to help me get to the toilet. Standing up or pulling myself up had become an arduous task. It was then that I decided to start meditating and ask my body what all this pain was about. I had tried everything I could think of to heal my back, but it wasn't getting better. I realized, "I need to get my book out. All of this creation is sitting inside of me." I pondered this thought for a while and realized it was true. I had been so excited when I wrote it and when I talked about it with friends and even people I had just met. But I was too scared to get it edited and do the rest of the work required to share it with the world. It seemed like such a monumental task.
I returned home after Sedona and recognized that the pain wasn't subsiding. I needed to see a doctor to find out what was really going on. I ended up getting an ultrasound on my uterus, which empowered me because I finally knew where to target my efforts. My uterus was swollen and pressing on my lower back and bladder. It was also reabsorbing tissue from my menstrual cycle instead of expelling it. That's when I knew I needed to birth this book. It felt like a 20lb weight sitting inside of me, and the pain was becoming unbearable.
Cycle after cycle, I still faced issues, and I continued to deny the fact that I needed to work on my book or get it out there. I was still gripped by panic and fear. But I knew I had to do something because my body was suffering, and I couldn't endure the pain any longer.
I calculated the days I had been dealing with this issue. I wrote the book in September, and the end of June marked 9 MONTHS!
You see, I do need to birth this book. I shared this story with a friend of mine, and she threw me a BOOK SHOWER! What? I know, it sounds crazy and fun, right?
I'm excited, yet still nervous, experiencing major labor pains even in the week leading up to the event. At the beginning of the week, I could barely walk, and my body doesn't seem to be relenting because if it did, I might procrastinate for a few more months before getting my book out.
"It's in the process," I would tell myself. I'm thrilled that it's now in the hands of a professional editor, and I'm arranging for photos for the cover. My test readers are enjoying the book. So, here it is, everything is in motion. I can't stop now.
Love to you all,
Carolyn
carolynheals@gmail.com
like me on facebook www.facebook.com/carolynheals
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